Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter tells Your American History Teacher to Suck It!!!

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter 2012Seth Grahame-SmithTimur BekmambetovBenjamin Walker, Dominic CooperSeth Grahame-Smith (Novel) Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter(2012)

Revisionist History, ye spite me!!! For anyone that felt offended Quentin Tarantino spun the end of the Nazi reign as a cowboy-up revenge yarn in “Inglorious Basterds,” will now mark the day “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter” opened in theaters as another day of infamy. Based on Seth Grahame-Smith’s cult novel by the same title, the story re-imagines Abraham Lincoln as a man whose hunger for revenge against the vampire that killed his mother drove him to become the ultimate leader of the Free World. And while we’re at it, why don’t we let Producer Tim Burton have Timur Bekmambetov, a RUSSIAN, direct the film. Who better to direct a movie about an American legend than a native of our Cold War rival? Oh, yeah, we like them now!

Up and comer Benjamin Walker is given the tall task of playing Lincoln, from his days as a Law student in Illinois to handling the reins of a torn nation in the Civil War. The charismatic Dominic Cooper is Henry Sturgess, a mysterious, hedonistic man who serves as mentor for Lincoln in the underworld battle against the bloodsuckers. Both leads are excellent, as well as the undervalued Rufus Sewell and Antony Mackie as Lincoln’s nemesis and best friend, respectively. The gorgeous
Mary Elizabeth Winstead delivers a fine turn as Lincoln’s wife Mar Todd, perhaps her best role to date.

Ultimately, “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter” is a solid showcase of Bekmambetov’s visual talents. This movie should be viewed as a kinetic graphic novel, as if the drawings would come to vibrant life in each turn. Bekmambetov sprinkles animation, stunning special effects and slow motion to render a rather poetic action film, reminiscent of The Wachowski Brothers heyday. I think it’s time to put the talented director in the same discussion as Zack Snyder as an action cinema visionary.

Finally, if “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter” is remembered in the almanac of film at all, its contribution should be documented as follows: “To all Middle School American History teachers in this great, indivisible nation, SUCK IT.” Indeed, our beloved 16th president slashes with his might axe not just confederate vampires, but the notion of historical accuracy. Still, as preposterous a title and tale this peculiar action/adventure ventures into, a certain dignity and grace keeps the legacy of Honest Abe intact. While there’s no need for fiction to highlight the great deeds of this great man, “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter” offers a noble rendition of Lincoln’s courage, intelligence, and most importantly, humility in the face of impossible obstacles. Honestly!


Official website:
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter2012Seth Grahame-SmithTimur BekmambetovBenjamin Walker, Dominic CooperSeth Grahame-Smith (Novel)  Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter2012Seth Grahame-SmithTimur BekmambetovBenjamin Walker, Dominic CooperSeth Grahame-Smith (Novel) 

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