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Battleship - Let us hope it sinks and we never see it again! #LouNoble

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Battleship 2012 Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Battleship(2012)

One of the blogs I follow is photographer Lou Noble's blog. Typically, he posts up photos he takes, but a few days ago he posted the greatest favor he has ever done for us. He took the bullet and watched "Battleship" for us. Needless to say, it is as shit as we expected.

He goes on to say, "I'll say this: Director Peter Berg? Bravo for doing such a splendid job copying Transformers. I didn't think anyone could make as awful a movie in quite the same way, but you nailed it!" "Transformers" is exactly what this movie looks like and if you’ve read any of our past Michael Bay inspired rants… That is NEVER a good thing.

He also talks about movies like this one being made to lure people in to the theater without ever offering anything, entertainment included, and that this movie is a prime example of why people hate summer blockbusters. The list of similarities between the board game and the movie is so juvenile/ridiculous it really makes us think a five year old wrote the script. Noble points this out by providing a bulleted list that gets sadder and sadder as you read on.

  • The alien ships' missiles are shaped like the pegs from the board game and "sink" into the ship.
  • The alien force field corresponds to the barrier between the sides of the board version of the game.
  • The buoys form a grid similar to the board game's layout.
  • The sailors use the hit or miss guessing method from the game.
  • The aliens have five ships to start with, just like the game.

In the end we get a clear impression of all that went wrong with this film… like that it was made… and we can only hope people listen to what we have suggested in the past, something Noble points out in the second to last paragraph, "So, yeah, don't see it, is what I'm saying. Please. SHOW THEM WE WILL NOT BE FOOLED. DO NOT LET MY TIME SACRIFICE BE IN VAIN."

Well done, Lou Noble! We thank you for saving us loosing our will to live with yet another Hollywood joke.

You can read the full review here.

Also, stop by his blog and enjoy his photography here.

Source of the Bitter: JAS

Comments, rants and other stuffs below
John Rojas on Sun, 05/27/2012 - 8:43pm

My friend Marcelo and me would have watched "Battleship" if they would have had Liam Neeson and Rihanna playing the actual board game.

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