Gigli - Yup, we went there.

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Gigli 2003Martin BrestMartin BrestBen Affleck,Jennifer Lopez,Al Pacino,Christopher Walken Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Gigli(2003)

How does a director end his career? Become M. Night Shyamalan? Sadly, no. You make a movie that can make Christopher Walken boring. It takes some serious talent to make Walken struggle through a scene, but Martin Brest can manage it with a little help from Ben Affleck. To make it even more interesting Martin Brest can even write and direct a monologue that can make Al Pacino make one want to roll over on their other side and continue their nap.

Watching this film feels very much like slowly feeling your brain melt. The closest thing that you can call something to look forward to is its eventual seeping out of your ears or nose. One can almost feel their life vaporizing over time. How do you have time for such complex thoughts and realizations? Easy. Watch this movie. We dare you to say that your mind won't wander every which way, but the central plot.

Ben Affleck really needs to get over himself. He is not as charismatic as he thinks he is. He's not as charming (unless you are a young actress, one guesses) as he thinks he is. From his first pseudo-charming scene talking to a man in a dryer to his pathetic apologizing to the man he kidnapped he proves to be as stale as the constant hearing of his relationship with J. Lo was back in the day. J. Lo is so sticky sweet we can consider her acting the work of genius. Never before have we seen such sticky sweet pretend sensuality from an actress. What? It happens in every film she's been in? The hell you say!

It's pretty great how the power of bad filmmaking can seem make a man with mental disabilities slowly become more and more lucid. Is it convenient writing or a miracle? You be the judge.

It is pretty fascinating to watch this movie because "watching a train wreck in slow motion" has never been so clearly defined as it was while watching this movie.

We have attached a scene which describes (starting at 1:45 in the clip) in detail what we would like someone to do to us after voluntarily wasting our lives watching this film.


Gigli2003Martin BrestMartin BrestBen Affleck,Jennifer Lopez,Al Pacino,Christopher Walken 

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