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Kill them all! Send in "Legion" to bore them to death!


Legion (2010)

The heavens are torn asunder and spew the “Legion” upon us in an awkward attempt at extermination of the human race. God throws a hissy fit and sends his warrior angels to kill an unborn child, but one angel rebels and descends on us to defend us with all his fallen angel glory.

Sounds good right? Angels and Demons… wait, wrong movie. All these mythical creatures coming down to hand us our asses on heavenly platters. With a premise that almost promises to deliver on the scale of 1995’s “The Prophecy,” you'd think this would be easy. But this is Hollywood and things are never as good as they seem.

Let us call to mind a short scene from 1995’s “Clueless":

Cher: No, she’s a full-on Monet.
Tai: What’s a Monet?
Cher: It’s like a painting, see? From far away, it’s OK, but up close, it's a big old mess. Lets ask a guy. Christian, what do you think of Amber?
Christian: Hagsville.

Did you get that? The trailer for "Legion" looked as if it could be an interesting action romp with angelic folk flippin’, dodgin' and wingin' (literally) themselves to death, but what we get is yet another bait-and-switch from our beloved industry. The trailer shows everything, and we mean everything that is worth watching in this film.

Dennis Quaid stars – what crappy film hasn't he been in lately? Paul Bettany plays Michael and is so subdued, we barely notice him. The part of Gabriel (Kevin Durand) is interesting, but the role is brief and Bitter Balcony felt as teased as a guy dating a prom queen that just didn’t put out. The rest of the cast does nothing for or against this film.

The scale of this movie implies a meager budget. Blame it on writer/director Scott Stewart and his co-screenwriter Peter Schink. Most of the film takes place in only one location and exterior shots are so dark that they might as well not be there.

Do yourselves a favor and rent “The Prophecy," which at least has Viggo Mortensen. Wait. Screw that. Even “Clueless” is more worthy of a rewatch than this epic FAIL.



Official website:

Legion (2010)


Directed by: Scott Stewart
Written by: Scott Stewart & Peter Schnik
Cast: Dennis Quaid, Paul Bettany, Kevin Durand

Source of the Bitter: JAS

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