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Percy Jackson and the Long Ass Title: The Thief of Good Taste


Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief (2010)

Percy Jackson (Logan Lerman), the boy with the manliest name for a demigod, finds out that Poseidon is his father. Somehow everyone thinks Percy has Zeus’s bolt, therefore all the creatures of the Tartarus relentlessly chase him to grab the bolt back. He teams with Grover (Brandon T. Jackson) and Annabeth (Alexandra Daddario) –the former being a goat and the latter a daughter of Athena. The supposedly wise Annabeth offers zilch in the way of tactical advice in the entirety "Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief." Yes, that's the title.

Percy and Grover spout some shabby one-liners throughout the film and Annabeth has the great, “Lets hit the road before homeland security shows up” line after a cleaning lady sees something funky. Riiiight.

With barely any character development, we watch them conquer one lame villain after another. Pierce Brosnan, Sean Bean and Catherin Keener put in an appearance, but frankly who cares? They fight the dumbest batch of monsters ever which includes an easily dispatched Minotaur, Hydra and Medusa (performed admirably lame by Uma Thurman).

Bitter Balcony finds it interesting that a movie like this would feature a form of drug use (yeah, the kids) and a ridiculous scene where the kids go to Las Vegas and gamble despite a little thing we like to call, NOT being of age. Homeland security will show up for that cleaning lady, but not for three kids gambling (and let us not forget that one has goat legs and dances in a scene reminiscent of “Fantastic Four’s” Mr. Fantastic bachelor party).

It’s great to see that the gods will come down for some booty calls, yet don't care about the 50,000 religions that have spawned in their absence and made them irrelevant. Are the Greek gods not typically described as petty and cruel? Doesn’t that extend to self-centered and arrogant, too? One can assume that being forgotten would cause quite a stir.

Sadly, the idea of modern times being tampered with by the Greek gods works poorly and, with any luck, this overly long titled movie will be the first and last of the series to hit the silver screen.



Official website:

Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief (2010)


Directed by: Chris Columbus
Written by: Craig Titley - Novel by: Rick Riordan
Cast: Logan Lerman, Brandon T. Jackson, Alexandra Daddario, Pierce Brosnan, Rosario Dawson, Catherine Keener, Sean Bean

Source of the Bitter: JAS

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