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Resident Evil: Afterlife - Die already!

Resident Evil: Afterlife (2010)

Here we are… yet again. Because somehow we can’t shake it once we step on it we are getting another “Resident Evil.” The first one was decent in the mediocre sense, but it was obviously a fluke since every one after that was a step lower and lower. If they screwed up the Nemesis project they can’t be expected to do anything worth crap after that.

When this trailer plays you say, “there’s a fancy ‘Blade’ rip off,” “there’s yet another ‘Matrix’ inspired dribble,” and “there’s another crappy film.” The one thing you never find yourself saying is, “there’s a cool zombie movie,” or “there’s a zombie movie,” period. Where the hell are the zombies? There is one shot of our heroine running away from a group of zombies, but after that we get ninja stars, jumping, kicking, some Blade/Stephen Dorff wannabe and some giant creature guy swinging some crap around.

Look, lets face it. This movie is written and directed by Paul W.S. Anderson and this guy sucks. Somehow he’s convinced Hollywood that he’s worth production credits, directing jobs and screenwriting gigs, but why is still a mystery. The only thing that is going to sell this movie is apple shaped bottoms of Milla Jovovich and Ali Larter. That is it. It will have some crappy pretend cool scenes and a string of drool that will move a non-existent plot along.

If staring at some good looking ladies is worth your now even more expensive admission then go for it. If you want anything else other than another reason to hate Hollywood then our advice is avoid it like the last fifty movies we’ve suggested you avoid and you didn’t… Wait, what?

Source of the Bitter: JAS

Comments, rants and other stuffs below
JAS on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 8:48am

When you figure that out let me know. It sure as shit isn't a zombie movie.

Que on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 1:02pm

this is a cash making - oh, scratch that - milking cow.

face it. the first one was remotely related to the game and second one was remotely related to the zombie theme. from the third one it was no loger a 'resident evil' but some groundless superhero movie where our lead actually have supernatural power. go figure.

well, at least you have the slo-mo and no shaky camera. hopefully enough camel toes will get you through your giant bucket of popcorns.

JAS on Wed, 04/21/2010 - 9:14am

Accurate as always, Que.

This future stinker is just another reason why no one has respect for Jovovich, which I think has the chops to be a good actress.

Anderson blows though. "Event Horizon" is entertaining, and the first "Resident Evil" was surprisingly not horrible, but from then on out STINKFEST!

John Rojas on Mon, 04/19/2010 - 9:22pm

WTF is this crap?

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