Twilight: Eclipse - May the moon eclipse this one so no one can ever see it again!

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Twilight: Eclipse 2010Melissa RosenbergDavid SladeKristen Stewart,Robert Pattinson,Taylor Lautner,Anna Kendrick,Jackson Rathbone,Dakota FanningStephenie Meyer Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Twilight: Eclipse(2010)
 

A review in short letters to the characters and film crew…

Dear Jacob and Edward,

Get over it. Bella is playing you like a fiddle. Why your respective families insist on helping you defend this manipulative little brat is beyond me. She can barely manage a smile and also barely manages to be able to make you both smile.

Jacob, stop wanting to hump her leg. There are plenty other better "mates" to "imprint" on. BTW: what does imprint mean? Are you going to pee on her leg to establish ownership?

Edward, no matter how lame you are, you can still find a better woman for yourself. Also, aren't you 100+ years old? I'm 32 and I find this chick terribly annoying to the point of wanting to watch her enemies devour her. Evolve a bit, buddy. You are letting a teenager manipulate the crap out of you. Sucker! You make love look like painful constipation.

Both of you should stop fighting over this Olive Oyl and fight over someone who is at least interesting. Or hot. Or capable of smiling.

Let’s look back to the end of this movie where you are both in a tent. In a few short sentences you both managed to make each other smile. This is more than Bella has managed in three movies. Maybe there is something more here? Are you both running away from each other?

Bella,

STFU!

Filmmakers,

Try to tell us a story that is entertaining. Don't bounce back and forth between two jackasses trying to convince some snot-nosed punk that you are better for her than the other guy. Also if make the action interesting. This whole film was mind-numbing. On a final note, welcome to the "Worst Film of the Decade Competition. “Twilight: Eclipse” and "Last Airbender" are neck and neck.

Loathe,
Bitter Balcony

P.S. What is that dumb-shit vampire smashing like glass? It's moronic. Stop it.

Trailer:

Official website:
Twilight: Eclipse

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Twilight: Eclipse2010Melissa RosenbergDavid SladeKristen Stewart,Robert Pattinson,Taylor Lautner,Anna Kendrick,Jackson Rathbone,Dakota FanningStephenie Meyer  Twilight: Eclipse2010Melissa RosenbergDavid SladeKristen Stewart,Robert Pattinson,Taylor Lautner,Anna Kendrick,Jackson Rathbone,Dakota FanningStephenie Meyer  Twilight: Eclipse2010Melissa RosenbergDavid SladeKristen Stewart,Robert Pattinson,Taylor Lautner,Anna Kendrick,Jackson Rathbone,Dakota FanningStephenie Meyer 

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