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Training Day... from hell!

Training Day

Warning: Sensitive Denzel fans beware! If you get emotional over reviewers that can form opinions other than “Denzel is amazing” then just stop reading.

What we have here is a movie about Jake Hoyt’s (Ethan Hawke) first day on the job with Alonzo Harris (Denzel Washington) teaching him the ways of the mean streets he’ll be working on. Hoyt the straight and narrow must learn that sometimes you have to bend the rules in order to keep the laws he’s meant to protect.



Asciimation Wars!


Text fans and Star Wars fans unite! It's "ACSIImation Wars!"

Contrary to popular belief we don't hate everything here at Bitter Balcony. We only hate bad movies, actors, etc. One thing we love in spite of itself is Star Wars. Sure the new trilogy sucked and George Lucas is not much of a director, BUT he did give birth to a series we grew up with and love.

Its called Asciimation Wars and has been in the works since July 1997. Its taken plenty time to get to where it is, but it's an enjoyable (low tech) revisit to the old classic and worth a watch.


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The Mayans couldn't predict these disasters! G.I Joe and Upcoming Trash


Yeah, I got majorly Joed, too. You got to thank my man JAS for making a movie I knew would suck worth seeing because of the expectation of sucking. This man should be teaching the subtle art of reverse psychology. Well, JAS has a lot of harsh words more painful than the nanotermites injected in cobra vipers, so I let him put this poor horse to sleep. For what it's worth, the movie managed to meet my low expectations.


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GI Joe: Rise of the EPIC FAIL

Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Christopher Eccleston, GI joe, Jonathan Pryce, marlon wayan, review, Saïd Taghmaoui, stephen sommers, bitter balcony

G.I. Joe

You know when a movie starts off with a soapbox and a confirmation of my theories on how it will suck, you are in for an interesting review.

First I have to point out that I have seen some crap. I mean some really bad movies, but I don’t think I have ever seen a movie where the ENTIRE cast supplies such exceedingly poor performances. There is no exaggeration when I say every one. I mean every last person (maybe Snake-Eyes doesn’t count because there isn’t much there for him to do but jump around) does a bad job.



...a moment of silence...


Let us observe a moment of silence. Today the movie industry is that much sadder.

G.I. Joe has been released.

Review incoming.



Harry Potter and the Half-Wit Prince


Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

In our previews review I stated that David Yates’ visual style was lacking. Oddly enough this movie is quite the opposite. The shot selection is much more mature and well put together.

The story (screenplay written by Steve Kloves) for this particular chapter in Harry Potter’s life is a lot lighter on cheesy mysteries in comparison to the other films in the series. This will probably not sit well with fans, but personally I feel it’s nice to see some time spent on character development and less on some not-so entertaining mystery.



Bruno - Willkommen zur gleichen Scheiße



What we have here is Sacha Baron Cohen taking a character of extreme nature (a flamboyant fashionista, which is openly gay) and running around public and private places. When I mention private places I also mean those in his pants. The man loves to wave shake, twirl and wiggle his dangling unmentionables in front of the camera every chance he gets.

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