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Marvel Studios dropping Edward Norton as Hulk makes Bitter Balcony very, very ANGRY!

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By now, we all know that Edward Norton was dropped from his role as Bruce Banner in the upcoming star-studded “The Avengers.” Multiple sources have released Marvel Studios head of production Kevin Feige confirming the studio parted ways with the talented but highly demanding Norton, apparently in favor of finding an actor who would be a better team player. In an excerpt of Feige’s written statement, he claims that “Our decision is definitely not one based on monetary factors, but instead rooted in the need for an actor who embodies the creativity and collaborative spirit of our other talented cast members." For a third time, the role of Banner is up for grabs, proving how much Marvel Studios really cares about consistency with their property, which is zero. Bitter Balcony, we angry!


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Stan Helsing - Why? Because the internet hates me.

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Stan Helsing 2009Bo ZengaBo ZengaLeslie Nielsen,Kenan Thompson,Steve Howey Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Stan Helsing(2009)

Stan Helsing (2009)

Comedies traditionally try to get some charismatic comedian to crack a few jokes and land in a few funny situations while meandering through a paper-thin story. "Stan Helsing" hits new lows and meets none of the minimum requirements for even the worst comedy.

First, any movie featuring Kenan Thompson should burn in the pits of Tartarus; neither he nor his shtick is funny. Throw Thompson in a tight Superman suit and you’ll have plenty of “throw up in your mouth” moments while attempting to reach the end of the film. Second, why can't we just keep our fond memories of Leslie Nielsen in "Forbidden Planet" and call it a career? You’ll notice we didn’t mention Steve Howey as as Stan Helsing...

Bo Zenga, writer, producer and director, has provided what we hope will be the last we see of his “work”. How these projects get funding is beyond us. Why don’t producers and/or executive producers let a kid rewrite scripts? What? They do and they did? Oh.

Now you may be asking yourself why we even watched this obvious mess of a movie. Boredom and the curse of instant-streaming via Netflix (with great power comes terrible possibilities).


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Hotties in Haiku: Malin Åkerman as Silk Spectre II

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Second Silk Spectre.

She is really into blue guys.

Or impotent ones!


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Bitter Balcony goes mobile!

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Ever been on the road and needed your BB fix? Well, now you can get the bitter in your home, at work, or on the go!

As great as that is there is more! Ever leave the theater and just have to share your thoughts about a film that blew you away with how much it sucked? Now you can post your review right outside the theater! Add pictures once you return home or paste in links to the appropriate fields (fields and post link to be added by Monday).

Enjoy all of these features where ever you are now in a mobile friendly and fast loading format.

Now go watch some bad movies and login to rant about them!



Not sure how to feel about The Last Airbender? See these two graphics

Last Airbender's suckage-o-meters

Not sure how to feel about "The Last Airbender"? These two images should help.

The first one is what "The Last Airbender" has in common with the original, great, source material.

The second is how to justify going to see it because you just need to get away from the summer heat. How hot does it need to get to justify watching "Airbender" or the latest "Twilight" blunder?

Images inside!


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Top 10 reasons "Avengers" will suck

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Top 10 reasons Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Top 10 reasons "Avengers" will suck

Marvel insists on shoving the "Avengers" down our throats time and time again. They drop "Avengers" hints even when it ruins the core story, as seen in "Iron Man 2." So, do we really think this epic super hero movie is possible of living up to years of hype? We think not.

Here are just a few (10 is a good number) of the reasons we think "Avengers" will disappoint when it finally arrives:


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Twilight: Eclipse - May the moon eclipse this one so no one can ever see it again!

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Twilight: Eclipse 2010Melissa RosenbergDavid SladeKristen Stewart,Robert Pattinson,Taylor Lautner,Anna Kendrick,Jackson Rathbone,Dakota FanningStephenie Meyer Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Twilight: Eclipse(2010)

A review in short letters to the characters and film crew…

Dear Jacob and Edward,

Get over it. Bella is playing you like a fiddle. Why your respective families insist on helping you defend this manipulative little brat is beyond me. She can barely manage a smile and also barely manages to be able to make you both smile.

Jacob, stop wanting to hump her leg. There are plenty other better "mates" to "imprint" on. BTW: what does imprint mean? Are you going to pee on her leg to establish ownership?

Edward, no matter how lame you are, you can still find a better woman for yourself. Also, aren't you 100+ years old? I'm 32 and I find this chick terribly annoying to the point of wanting to watch her enemies devour her. Evolve a bit, buddy. You are letting a teenager manipulate the crap out of you. Sucker! You make love look like painful constipation.

Both of you should stop fighting over this Olive Oyl and fight over someone who is at least interesting. Or hot. Or capable of smiling.

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