Embrace the bitter and post your own reviews!

Green Lantern First Flight - like a little bird flower ready to blossom

Green Lantern (2009)

"Green Lantern” follows, er, Green Lantern… Actually, the story covers how Hal Jordon acquired the ring and his struggle to become a part of the Green Lantern Corps. Listen, this story was written waaay back when, so some suspension of disbelief is in order. There are other things to forgive - such as trusting a man named Sinestro. Really? No one sees this coming? I thought they were a super-advanced alien race around since before time.


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Smurfs - Tra-la-lala-lala this is going to suck.

Smurfs (2011)

From the amazing talent that is the director of Beverly HIlls Chihuahua (Raja Gosnell) comes a possible future of Smurfs with what I'm assuming is John Lithgow as Gargamel.

Lets hope that it isn't live action and that it isn't as bad as Chihuahua.

Lithgow as Gargamel sounds promising though - if that is what he's doing.

Let us sigh...

then laugh...

then pretend this isn't on IMDB.com HERE.


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Where's My Cloney: Bitter Balcony Spotlights Aidan 5


Aidan 5

Here at Bitter Balcony we are (in all humility) far too Revolutionary, Austere, Jaundice and Daring to ever be invited to Film Festivals. Instead, we bless these events by working them a whole week full-time without pay, proving that we always have time for the “little folk” when we finish partying with, you know, Megan F., Steven S., Bradley P., the usual.

I did my humble deed back in March of this year while my unemployment check was late. Er, I mean, while talking Goddard over venti mochas at The Miami International Film Festival. It is at this posh venue that I was pleased to meet the inspired young filmmakers from Ohio and their award-winning short “Aidan 5.” Take notice, all shoestring budget filmmakers, these guys will show you how it's done.


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Sigh... Transformers 3 confirmed to be in pre-production


Joblo has confirmed the news HERE.

Another sad day...

On a comical side note, Michael Bay has left a little "PS" for Megan Fox on his site which reads:



Nightmare on Elm Street trailer depression, um, impression

Nightmare on Elm Street (Remake)

Whatever you do – don’t fall asleep! This is what we’d like to think the producers of the “Nightmare on Elm Street” remake are warning us, but we know that once our asses are in those seats, they have our money and don’t care.

The trailer starts off decently enough. We get a few spooky settings and Freddy being chased down and burned to the crispy critter we all know and loathe, er, love.

We get some shots of the victims-to-be, who seem like your typical teenage cast (not necessarily a bad thing). There’s a pool party shot, making me think they are going to throw in some “Nightmare on Elm Street 2” in there as well.




Godzilla - Size Just Didn't Matter [User Review]

Godzilla (1998)

Godzilla(or in this case Zilla, as the Japs prefer to call him) was the ultimate culmination of the "who cares about plot" summer movie. A very loose remake of the 1954 "classic", and by that I mean zero adherence to the source, Japanese monster movie, Godzilla, King of the Monsters (which is itself pretty thin in the story department), Roland Emmerich and Dean Devlin's big- budget lizard-stomps-Manhattan disaster flick has been written with the brain dead in mind. The script isn't just "dumbed down," it's lobotomized, and Godzilla lives and dies on special effects alone.



Whiteout - They should have used it in this script!

Whiteout (2009)

I am the wind and the snow. As the snow, I cloud all that can be, covered under a thin veil. I nip at the butts of actors as they try to perform in a two-dimensional farce. And as the wind I blow, just like this movie . . .

First, the tagline for “Whiteout” (according to imdb.com) is “See your last breath”. Had I read this before I watched the film, I would have watched something more captivating, like “Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs”.

The movie is about U.S. marshal Carrie Stetko (Kate Beckinsale), who is working in Antarctica and wants to quit her job. I know. What a stretch.


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