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A review of a movie or TV show.

Dumb and Dumber: Jackass 3D review!!!

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Jackass 3D 2010Preston LacyJeff TremaineJohnny Knoxville, Steve-O Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Jackass 3D(2010)

3D has found a new low. "Jackass" alums Johnny Knoxville, Bam Margera, Steve-O, Chris Pontius and Co. return for more self-inflicted genital punishment in this third installment of the “Jackass” franchise. Is it possible that something that was asinine to begin with could also become uninspired?

The guys have resorted to shit, puke and piss not as a challenge to our tolerance levels, but because they have nothing to offer anymore (did they ever?). This "Jackass," is nothing more than a banal attempt of thirty-something skaters and ex-junkies to jerk off their cash cow. After I threw $10 into a $50-million port-a-potty, the real Jackass is me: a willingly paying idiot who should have known better.


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Does Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps leave you bankrupt?

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps 2010Stephen Schiff, Allan LoebOliver StoneMichael Douglas, Shia LaBeouf Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps(2010)

America ’s pursuit of prosperity took a dreadful dip during the bank collapses of 2008, causing a recession not seen in the land of opportunity since the beginnings of Franklyn Roosevelt’s presidency. Words like “bailout” and “foreclosure” are now prevalent in our lingo, and names like AIG and Bernie Madoff became synonymous with white collar villainy. Alas, Oliver Stone, whose recent creative efforts have plunged lower than Goldman/Sachs, found an opportune time to bring his infamous trade raider Gordon Gekko back to his slick hair, three-piece suit form.

Michael Douglas is back as Gekko in “Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps," and this time, the young and ambitious upstart is Shia LaBeouf as Jake Moore, taking over for the naïve but hungry Bud Fox played by Charlie Sheen in the first movie. Jake is a natural at the financial game, but has idealist goals that have him backing an alternative energy company in need of a major investment push. Jake is also dating the equally idealist Winnie (Carey Mulligan), who happens to be Gekko’s estranged daughter.


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RE4 - Afterlife - unswallowable piece of crap [User Review]

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, 2010Paul W.S. AndersonPaul W.S. AndersonMilla JovovichCapcom Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Resident Evil 4 - Afterlife (2010)

Un-swallowable crap in your face.

I know this day would come. We all know it. we have all seen a money making cow being milked to beef jerkies before. But when it actually happens I am still feeling strongly about, err, the money and time I lost. Watching "Resident Evil: Afterlife" is so far the most regrettable cinema experience I have had this year; it is so bad that I kept walking out and in pretending to have toilet break, just to avoid having an aneurism outburst.
I had very little expectation to this movie in particular; I was a fan to RE the game as 1,2,3, for its dark atmosphere and hopeless zombie theme. It didn’t really get to extend to the movie that much after the first movie – the movie serious is largely a fancy action flick where this unknown character, Alice, being an experimental product and superhero, jumping around using weapons and then superpower to kill zombies. Around RE3 they try to rub back some in-game characters to attract the game lovers, but ultimately the movie is a monster of its own; you watch pretty chicks, being Milla and others, running and shooting.
That can’t be too bad, right?


OMG! I LOL'ed during "Social Network"!


OMG! So like I caught this movie called “Social Network” and it was like actually about a social network called Facebook. I mean, if you don’t know what teh Facebook is you are like so not cool and I bet you’d only have like 5 friends on it if you even knew how to open an account.

So like this movie was good, but I didn’t go all like Gaga (yeah, that’s a Lady Gaga reference losers) over it. I mean, if you want to look at the writing it was good. I LOL’ed a few scenes and was pretty entertained, but like it wasn’t any "Transformers". Know what I mean?



"Kill Me Later" No, better to just do it now

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Kill Me Later Dana LustigSelma Blair,Max Beesley Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Kill Me Later

Shawn (Selma Blair) is taken hostage by bank robber Charlie (Max Beesley) – only she was about to kill herself anyway. Har har. The wit doesn't stop as Charlie generously offers to kill her once he gets away scot-free. And in Hollywood, this means spending time together. And when any man and woman in a shitty film spend more than five minutes together they fall in love. So begins “Kill Me Later.”

Selma Blair is just plain bored in nearly every role she's in. Thankfully, Max Beesley is there to save the day, right? Right? Alas, no. In just two movies, Beesley’s managed to become an actor Bitter Balcony would be happy not to see on film again. There is nothing worse than someone hamming up the charisma he sadly lacks. The accent may by charming to some, but we’re not fooled.

Dana Lustig does what he can with this film, but the cast is tiresome and the screenplay is a snoozer that should have been used as a headrest for kindling. The film reeks of mediocrity – amd we’re being nice.

The soundtrack in “Kill Me Later” distracts from the film (which could almost be a good thing) as it loops far past when it should have stopped.


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Srpski Film (A Serbian Film) - OMFG! You've been warned.

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Srpski Film (A Serbian Film) 2010Srdjan Spasojevic,Aleksandar RadivojevicSrdjan SpasojevicSrdjan Todorovic,Sergej Trifunovic,Jelena Gavrilovic,Katarina Zutic,Slobodan Bestic,Ana Sakic Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Srpski Film (A Serbian Film)(2010)

"Those filmmakers need the Jesus." This what a friend of Bitter Balcony's said as soon as this movie was over.

"A Serbian Film" is a tough film to review. No one is going to admit liking this film because of the extreme subject matter and violence. We managed to catch "A Serbian Film" at MIFFF and were fortunate (or unfortunate, depending on your point of view) to watch the uncut version. We had been warned about this movie and can assume this will be the last time the uncut version will be seen in a U.S. theater. And perhaps never on DVD.

A retired porn star is living a humble life with a beautiful wife and son. Money is tight until he is contacted by an former co-star about a job with a "genius director" that will pay so much that money will never be an issue again. He signs on with cautious optimism, but the good times don't roll for long when he’s put in several increasingly uncomfortable and fucked up situations.

"A Serbian Film" is bound to make viewers as uncomfortable. The content is not necessarily gore, but situations of rape and beatings, usually simultaneously. If you watch the trailer you will get a fifth of an idea of what lies ahead.


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Bitter Balcony smells something fishy with Catfish!!!

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Catfish 2010Henry Joost, Ariel SchulmanNev Schulman, Henry Joost, Ariel Schulman Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Catfish(2010)

I considered applying as a volunteer for next year’s Sundance Film Festival in hopes to finally be part of independent cinema’s top gathering. However, after watching an advance screening of this year’s festival darling “Catfish,” I ask myself: is freezing to death with a bunch of B-list celebrities in Park City worthwhile after this dull, inflated hoax of a film received such acclaim? We guess the days of Quentin Tarantino and Paul Thomas Anderson melting the snow with their incandescent talent are over, and Robert Redford's votaries are left to overhype mediocrity from a once trailblazing event.


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