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Dinner for Schmucks: Not Much of a Meal, but The Flight of the Conchords Guy is Funny!

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Dinner for Schmucks 2010David Guion, Michael HandelmanJay RoachSteve Carell, Paul Rudd, Jemaine Clement, Zach Galifianakis, Stephanie SzostakFrancis Veber Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Dinner for Schmucks(2010)

“Dinner for Schmucks” is another remake produced by Hollywood, proof that having a DVD player or a vast collection of movies are more important than a screenplay program for writers nowadays. For the American version of French director’s Francis Veber “The Dinner Game,” Steve Carell plays the good natured but social misfit Barry. Barry is invited to a special dinner by Tim (Paul Rudd), who meet each other after Tim accidentally hits Barry with his car. Tim, who looks to move up in his job, is offered the opportunity of a lifetime, but one that challenges his ethics. As for Barry, whose hobby is to make works of art with dead mice, is joyous of the RSVP by his newfound friend, unaware that the dinner he’s about to attend is an aristocratic gathering for the haves to ridicule the follies of some poor outcasts.


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Sorcerer's Apprentice - Should it make itself disappear?

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Sorcerer's Apprentice 2010Lawrence Konner,Mark RosenthalJon TurteltaubNicholas Cage,Jay Baruchel,Monica Bellucci,Teresa Palmer,Alfred Molina Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Sorcerer's Apprentice(2010)

Merlin gets ass handed to him. Merlin talks about someone who will one day be as powerful as he. Merlin dies. Merlin's apprentice (one of) is charged with finding this person, so that he/she can destroy the ultimate evil. Enter nerd.

We've heard this "chosen one"/"the ONE" story hundreds of times before. There is only one person that can accomplish said task, he is usually some half wit or nerd that rises to the occasion and ends up getting the hot girl that would not have anything to do with one like him in the real world. Such is a fantasy tale and such is the story for "Sorcerer's Apprentice". How many "the ones" are there out there? If every movie has "the one" doesn't that defeat the whole point of "the one"?


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Glitter, Or how I survived yet another disaster

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Glitter 2001Cheryl L. WestVondie Curtis-HallMariah Carey,Max Beesley,Da Brat,Terrence Howard,Kate Lanier, Cheryl L. WestKate Lanier Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Glitter(2001)

Hello, my name is JAS and I am a glutton for punishment. I know people that love bad movies and I mean some terrible films, but none have seen “Glitter”. Seriously, I have yet to meet one person that has watched this film. People have watched “Gigli,” but none have seen this. So I set off on my journey and see if I can survive…

The film starts off with a fantastic example of solid motherhood as a drunk singer does her thing on stage with her under aged daughter drinking water at the bar. Then she invites her up to sing a little ditty in front of a bunch of drunkards. A few minutes after this I start to realize that the movie is boring me. Then because of lack of stimuli I notice that I am 6 minutes and 41 seconds into the film and there are still credits being displayed. What's better is that every full minute you get one more person that worked on this movie. 7:16, 8:34 and finally ending at the ten minute mark. Why spread it out? Makes no sense, but it was amusing, so I'm thankful for bad choices.


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Underrated Films presents: Bronson

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Bronson 2008Nicolas Winding RefnNicolas Winding RefnTom Hardy, Matt KingMichael Gordon Peterson Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Bronson(2008)

Bitter Balcony has found an actor we can rally around and his name is: Ben Affleck!!! A shrewd master of disguise, superbly emotive, and with loads of screen presence to spare, Affleck’s thespian gifts make us spill a tear and dry it with a gentle touch of a silk handkerchief...

…OK, now that we did our best Ben Lyons impersonation, we can actually herald talent. Right now we are showing cinematic props for the chameleon-like Tom Hardy. His popularity has grown since his impressive performance as a clever forger in “Inception.” Hardy is on the brink of stardom, and with the Max Rockatansky role he inherited from Mel Gibson; soon the young Englishman will join previous imports such as Clive Owen and Daniel Craig in ranks of Jolly Cool. And, like Owen’s poker face in “Croupier” and Craig’s wits in “Layer Cake,” Hardy has his own buried treasure in 2008’s “Bronson.”


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Lars von Trier's unholy "Antichrist", with talking animals!!!

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Antichrist 2009Lars von TrierLars von TrierCharlotte Gainsbourg, Willem Dafoe Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Antichrist(2009)

Lars von Trier has been called many things: a nouvelle vogue cinematic genius, a misogynist pig with a camcorder, an emotional sadomasochist, or by Bitter Balcony’s very own JAS, simply a shithead. Personally, I think he’s somewhere between the best filmmaker in the world and Marquis de Sade tormentor, a self-indulgent, but exhilarating film demigod, or like the title of his latest film, a potential “Antichrist.”

The Danish auteur pioneered the Dogma movement, shooting au naturel with a digital camera. He gave us raw, emotionally draining films such as “The Idiots,” “Breaking the Waves,” and the Björk musical-tragedy “Dancer in the Dark.” However, von Trier has ventured into horror in the past, as shown in his two-part miniseries “The Kingdom,” 1987’s“ Epidemic,” and his cult thriller “The Element of Crime.” “Antichrist” brings the mad Dane to a genre that might have be suited for him all along; one where his manipulative instincts can deviate into not just the emotional angst, but physical punishment as well.


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Predators - Meat loaf as I remembered [User Review]

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, 2010 Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Predators (2010)

Predators - Meat loaf as I remembered

I remember I used to love the Meat loaf when I was a kid, but these days when imagined eating all I could remember was tasting of the low quality mince, cheap MSG and flavouring in my mouth. Predators however, out of surprise, bring back the old homey meat loaf memories... all meaty, juicy and packed with fun.

Honestly, I thought Predators were dead to me. Sure we had hyped start, when we were not sure where they from and who they were; These days they were like the cheap Kabab shops just about everywhere, since they were handled by random LA cops, they had to fight the aliens, over and over, and they don't even win that well. Predators were like that song from 1987, once infectiously cool but nowadays just plain lame. Or the Meat loaf, once I loved and all I wanted for dinner, now I do not even want to look at them because they're just sad trashy and some times even dangerous to consume.

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Little Big Soldier – Jackie Chan’s sweet-sour, original style [User Review]

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, 2010 Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Little Big Soldier (2010)

Little Big Soldier, Jackie Chan’s latest production, is as enjoyable as the classic sweet & sour pork. It's fresh and crispy, no quick/ready sauce used, and done just right… rather enjoyable like Jackie Chan’s earlier productions.

I thought Jackie Chan was dead to me… really. I used to have high respect to this guy, he does all his own stunts and he can move. But ever since he started to receive Hollywood checks he just turned into a stinker stamp. Really. I guess I don't need to put a list here. And the recent ‘Spy Next Door’ really pushed the bar a notch or three lower. I virtually passed out while watching! Then there is Karate Kid.

I don't think Jackie Chan is the one to blame though. Hollywood has extremely shallow understanding of Jackie Chan’s capacity, and the result is the mind numbing/stereotyping of this Jackie cookie. Nearly all his Hollywood production these days are low budget and his personality is always the same, sweet sweet chinglish speaking guy, and the movies are all PG-13 as well, made for Disney’s taste.

Jackie Chan, however, was more than that.