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A review of a movie or TV show.

Limitless asks: what are you on?

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Limitless 2011Leslie DixonNeil BurgerBradley Cooper, Robert De NiroAlan Glynn (Novel) Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Limitless(2011)

Finally, there’s a movie that champions our society’s hunger for enhancement in “Limitless.” Flavor of the month Bradley Cooper plays Eddie Morra, an uninspired writer whose ambition has been quenched by daylight hangovers. When Eddie’s girlfriend Lindy (Abbie Cornish) dumps him, Eddie finds himself in a deep ditch. However, Eddie’s life is about to take a literary twist when his former brother in-law Vernon (Johnny Whitworth) offers him a pill that ends up showing Eddie the endless possibilities of his potential. Eddie, juiced up with a new found confidence, finds in this drug the key to his desires and aspirations.

Unfortunately for Eddie, his supplier Vernon ends up killed, leaving Eddie fearing for his life. But when he finds a huge stash of the pills, Eddie’s relentless rise to the top finds him partying with the wealthy, getting laid in the bathrooms of high end clubs with beautiful women, and even venturing into the stock market, where he partners up with the market’s top dog Carl Van Loon(Robert De Niro).


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"The Chase" to find a good Charlie Sheen movie...

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, The Chase 1994Adam RifkinAdam RifkinCharlie Sheen,Kristy Swanson,Flea,Anthony Keidis,Ray Wise,Cary Elwes,Henry Rollins,Ron Jeremy Bitter,Bitterometer,meter The Chase(1994)

“The Chase” plays out a lot like current day real life for Charlie Sheen. You have a guy who can’t keep himself out of trouble and just says, “Fuck it,” and gets into trouble because of his impulsiveness and severe lack of filter, all while ‘macking’ it to some hot ladies.

Sheen plays Jackson Davis Hammond, a guy with much too elaborate of a name to be in a movie that has as little character development as this. We prefer to call him Jack. Jack is in trouble. He’s about to go to jail for a crime he didn’t commit and decides the best way out is to hold Natalie (played by the ridiculously good looking Kristy Swanson) hostage with candy bar. What comes is a series of exaggerated situations and the “getting to know you” moments between Natalie and Jack.

The performances are terrible and the overacting is dialed up to 11, but the film still manages to entertain even though most of it is spent in a car that doesn’t ever run out of gasoline. Thank Zod for solar powered and giant fuel-celled cars of the ‘90s. The characters are one-dimensional and the story is as flimsy as the idea that Sheen’s brain is so powerful normal people couldn’t handle its power.


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Wall Street: We had to go back 24 years to find a good Charlie Sheen movie, that's how much we care!

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Wall Street 1987Stanley Weiser,Oliver StoneOliver StoneMichael Douglas,Charlie Sheen Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Wall Street(1987)

Charlie Sheen is one of the lucky men in the world to have the blood lineage of a mythological deity, but even rarer than Sheen’s potent DNA is finding a movie with him that’s actually GOOD. Yes, Sheen can bring orgasmic bliss to hookers on cocaine binges before storing them in the closets of hotel rooms, but when it comes to the quality of his work, he might as well have gerbil blood. Fortunately for Sheen, the handsome, cocky punk with a slick mouth that he is became the muse for director Oliver Stone during his glory days, before acid flashbacks and voices in his head yelling “Charlie” got the best of the renegade director. 1987’s “Wall Street” is a great American film about the intricacies of the Stock Trade, as well as a classic morality tale about the limits of excessiveness.


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"Hot Shots!" Retro-Sheen review

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Hot Shots! 1991Jim AbrahamsJim AbrahamsCharlie Sheen,Cary Elwes,Valeria Golino,Lloyd Bridges,Jon Cryer,Kristy Swanson Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Hot Shots!(1991)

There was a time when the warlock himself, Charlie Sheen wasn’t so full of himself and tiger’s blood. During this time he made some good movies and he made some cheesy shit. This one qualifies as the latter and he hasn’t aimed higher ever since. He may brag about how great he is, but he hasn’t really tried to do anything “great” since 1990 or perhaps a smidge earlier.

“Hot Shots!” is a film that mocks other movies of the time like “Top Gun” and other military films of the ‘80s. Charlie Sheen plays Lt. Topper Harley a character as two dimensional as he sounds. He’s there only to ham up the pun after pun after pun. While the puns aren’t that bad and the movie entertain it is cheesy shit.

The performances are good enough in the ridiculously over-hammed-up way that you’d expect it to be. It feels a lot like “Airplane” while watching it and even shares a Lloyd Bridges from the series. Valeria Golino stands out in the crowd as she amps up the sexy to some ridiculous lines and situations. Her performance is probably the best in the film. Kristy Swanson who co-stars in “The Chase” has a cameo, as does Jon Cryer from “Two and a Half Men.”


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Underrated Films Presents: Strange Days (1995)

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Strange Days 1995James Cameron, Jay CocksKathryn BigelowRalph Fiennes,Angela Bassett,Juliette Lewis,Tom Sizemore,Michael Wincott,Vincent D'Onofrio,Glenn PlummerJames Cameron Strange Days(1995)

Years before karma gave Kathryn Bigelow the academy award over giving it to James Cameron the two were wed. No seriously. The two rivaling directors were married before they were out back at the Oscars dueling to the death*. Thankfully, this union gave us the gem that is “Strange Days.”

Lenny Nero (Ralph Fiennes) is a dealer of a different, and futuristic, sort. Nero deals “clips.” The drug of choice for those who want to live it up as a lesbian, bank robber or even someone who has legs, in the case they don’t. Lenny Nero is obsessed with his ex-girlfriend, Faith (Juliette Lewis) who is on her slow rise to stardom. Thanks to a “clip” their friend recorded Nero must enlist the help of Mace (Angela Bassett) and Max (Tom Sizemore) to figure out what to do with this clip before the fit hits the shan and cause riots on the eve of New Years 2000.


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Endhiran brings Hollywood effects to India's cheese and we think its "Two point O"!

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Endhiran 2010S. Shankar,SujathaS. ShankarRajnikanth,Aishwarya Rai Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Endhiran(2010)

At first I was like, “What?” Then I was like, “Whoa!” I heard a friend say this recently about something totally unrelated, but it makes sense for Endhiran.

The most expensive Indian movie ever made manages to combine elements of Terminator, Matrix and even some Transformers. All these inspiring forces combine with Indian aesthetics and musical numbers to tell the tale of Dr. Vaseegaran (Rajnikanth) and his creation Shitty, er, Chitti (also Rajnikanth). Chitti is a robot with with advanced A.I., One Zettabyte memory and One Terahertz of processing power, which he uses later on to figure out how to communicate with freaking mosquitos. Sana (Aishwarya Rai) is the feisty, and all too hot for a nerd, girlfriend of the good doctor. Can you see what’s going to happen here? Chitti is going to get a robotic boner for Sana and the fight will be on!


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True Grit: A Cool Movie, But Can I Get A Jargon Thesaurus!!!

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, True Grit 2010Joel and Ethan Coen  Joel and Ethan Coen   Jeff Bridges, Matt Damon, Hailee Steinfeld, Josh BrolinCharles Portis (Novel) Bitter,Bitterometer,meter True Grit(2010)

“True Grit” is the Coen Brothers remake of the 1969 classic that starred the baddest man of his time, the bleed American legend John Wayne. For this new take, the brothers go with the most laid back actor of his time, Jeff Bridges. Its funny how two men of different eras, the former regally named “The Duke” while the latter the slacker moniker “The Dude,” brought the character of U.S Marshal Rooster Cogburn to Western Cinema iconography. Yes, Bridges is great as the jargon speaking, eye- patch wearing cowboy, another triumph in this actor’s amazing career. However, the heart and soul, even grit, of this film truly belongs to 14 year old starlet Hailee Steinfeld, whose toughness combined with adolescent angst wins over the underlined brutality of the story. In “True Grit,” the Coens find tenderness not seen in their films since “Raising Arizona,” or at least as tender as a movie that has body count can be.


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