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Miscellaneous commentary made because we are intrigued or irritated.

M. Knight's Devil - We are in hell. He still makes movies.

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So now that the tagline "An M. Night Shyamalan Film" is proof-positive of utter shittiness, we are now bombarded with "A Night Chronicle.” Listen, M. Knight, no matter how you brand a turd, it’s still a turd. Congrats on trying to rebrand, but it’s still the ol’ bait and switch. We see the bait, but we aren't falling for the switch. "The Last Airbender," the most recent film you ruined for us, will be the last. We will not step into the steaming piles you’ve produced without getting paid to do so.

With the latest M. Knight film-with-a-twist, “Devil,” we waste merely a minute and a half on the trailer. The twist is given away in the title as The Devil is stuck in an elevator with some seemingly random people.

If we are lucky at the end of the film the elevator doors will open and a rather large Austrian will scream out, “Cohagen, give dees people air!” Oh, and the elevator is actually on Mars. Something like:

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Marvel Studios dropping Edward Norton as Hulk makes Bitter Balcony very, very ANGRY!

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By now, we all know that Edward Norton was dropped from his role as Bruce Banner in the upcoming star-studded “The Avengers.” Multiple sources have released Marvel Studios head of production Kevin Feige confirming the studio parted ways with the talented but highly demanding Norton, apparently in favor of finding an actor who would be a better team player. In an excerpt of Feige’s written statement, he claims that “Our decision is definitely not one based on monetary factors, but instead rooted in the need for an actor who embodies the creativity and collaborative spirit of our other talented cast members." For a third time, the role of Banner is up for grabs, proving how much Marvel Studios really cares about consistency with their property, which is zero. Bitter Balcony, we angry!

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Not sure how to feel about The Last Airbender? See these two graphics

Last Airbender's suckage-o-meters
 

Not sure how to feel about "The Last Airbender"? These two images should help.

The first one is what "The Last Airbender" has in common with the original, great, source material.

The second is how to justify going to see it because you just need to get away from the summer heat. How hot does it need to get to justify watching "Airbender" or the latest "Twilight" blunder?

Images inside!

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Top 10 reasons "Avengers" will suck

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Marvel insists on shoving the "Avengers" down our throats time and time again. They drop "Avengers" hints even when it ruins the core story, as seen in "Iron Man 2." So, do we really think this epic super hero movie is possible of living up to years of hype? We think not.

Here are just a few (10 is a good number) of the reasons we think "Avengers" will disappoint when it finally arrives:



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Karate Kid has issues...

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The "Karate Kid" remake has gone untouched by Bitter Balcony. Why? Well, I, JAS, saw this movie and had problems with it because of the film and because of other things outside of it. Since I found it hard to let go of how tacky it was that Jada Pinkett and Will Smith produced this and decided to cast their own son. This constantly irked me. I also felt that while Jaden Smith didn't do a bad job he just spent the movie amping up his pseudo-charisma and never felt like he was a kid in a crappy situation trying to prove himself, but more like some wise-cracking fool who was too busy playing the fool to realize or care about what was going on around him. Jackie Chan didn't crack a smile, which somehow makes people think he was great. This is all beside the fact that I found the movie to be a bore to watch.

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The Last Airbender... Will it suck?

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The Last Airbender (2010)

Early reviews say Hell-to-the-yes! This makes us a tad sad, but proves once again what a f____ing hack M. Knight Shamamamamalan (why spell a hack's name right) is.

Here is one: LINK

The above review says, "If you still want to see this movie, you're either too dumb to understand why you shouldn't or too young to care. Fair enough. Enjoy spending the rest of your life with the memory of THE LAST AIRBENDER fouling your brain. This summer is beginning to feel like the End of Movie Days. God save us."

Bitter Balcony will provide a review in the coming days. We will watch it with an open mind, but we are nervous about what we might be put through.

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Guest blog for Crypticon's blog is up! Beware of glorious gore!

 

"The Cheese of Gore: Confessions of a gorehound"

... is up at Crypticon's blog.

It's about my, JAS's, love for gore in films like those by Lucio Fulci and classic zombie movies.

The gory pics within may be a bit much for some, but if you can handle it then read it HERE.

Enjoy!

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