The Room... Tears us apart, Wiseau!

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review,  Tom WiseauTom WiseauTom Wiseau,the rest don't matter and neither does he Bitter,Bitterometer,meter  

Just like “Star Wars” the camera descends on a planet. Planet San Francisco. The Golden Gate bridge is obviously devoid of jumpers. Why? Well, the movie has just started. Legend says the release of this film sent hundreds flocking toward that bridge just to leap to their doom, but that’ll come later… about 99 minutes later.

The first character on screen is Johnny (Tom Wiseau). He enters Lisa’s apartment with a gift. Lisa is strong like bull and luckily for Johnny is appeased by the gift or she might brrreak him. Denny some young chap likes to “watch” them. He’s the thirty-year-old kid that acts like an 8 year-old. You know, the type you expect to drool on themselves at any moment. Why does this kid show up and try to block Tom’s “rooster”? Beats us. But sure enough Wiseau wants us to be the perverts with two sex scenes in the first 15 minutes and more shortly after that. At one point we could swear that Johnny was humping the middle of Lisa’s chest… Dude, a little lower or a little higher, OK?

After this opening we are treated to back-to-back examples of appalling performances and dialog written by a five year old. Seriously, only kids can have the attention span of a hummingbird. The characters are pissed one second and give a friendly “hello” right after. Each entrance of a character into a scene is awkward. Wiseau does this giggle/chuckle thing enough times that I thought I should pause the film and count them. Thankfully, some YouTube fan took care of that for me. And dear Zod, how much friendly tossing around of a football do we need in a film?

The Room, O Face, Tom Wiseau
Yup, that's his "O" face.

As I watched this film there was a combinations of bad “wows”, blank stares of amazement and a case of brain lock because it’s impressive that someone can make a movie this universally bad. Aside from that I have to give it credit for being so so so very bad it made me laugh at it.

Of course, if you can see it for free and drink I say go for it. Watch this film with a few friends. It’s a good movie to mock, but you’ll need the booze to get passed the soap opera third act.

Here are his giggle/chuckle things:


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