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Summer Suckage Review


It’s no surprise that this summer was one of the worst for movies. We’ve all been convinced of this with the sorry ass lineup and the reviews most of the movies have received. It’s also pretty obvious that Hollywood fears creativity like an arachnophobic fears Spiderman, but Spiderman is an existing IP and Hollywood looooves to piss all over those. Let’s look back to 2006 and see how this summer matches up with a few years before it.

We’ll take a glance at those movies that should have had more success as summer movies* (based roughly on media exposure/advertising).

*The movies selected where not chosen with a detailed scientific procedure. Just pointing out the big ones as this author saw them.

- 2006 -

Nacho Libre… oh, crap… not a good start…
Superman Returns
Scanner Darkly
Clerks 2
Super Ex-Girlfriend
Miami Vice
Snakes on a Plane
Idiocracy - [REVIEW]
Black Dahilia

Lets see. 2006 was a pretty bad year. Sure we had Superman Returns, but opinions on that varied widely. We had a creative film like Scanner Darkly, but did anyone really watch that movie? Miami Vice, Descent, Pulse all received lukewarm reviews. Then there are the Motha-F’in Snakes on the Plane. Sigh.

This article should have probably started in 2005 since it at least had Batman Begins and… Let’s move on shall we.

- 2007 -

Spider-Man 3
Shrek the Third
Pirates of the Caribbean:At World’s End
Oceans Thirteen
Fantastic Four and the Silver Surfer
Evan Almighty
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - [REVIEW]
Rush Hour 3

Lets see. Sequel, sequel, sequel, sequel… Well there is a Simpsons movie, but I can catch that on TV… Wait, Transformers… No, that movie kind of sucked (with the exception of the last 20 minutes – and even that was only ok the first time around). Spiderman 3 is here, but giving the trilogy a downer ending really taxed the audience, which led to some social unrest in other countries, but that is all hush hush. Sequels are great when we love the series, but not when the majority of the big summer releases are all sequels. We, as an audience, like something creative every once in a while. Whoops! That last sentence had the “C" word! A sincere apology goes out to all those Hollywood execs that panicked just now. Relax we’ll try not to go there again.

Is there a light at the end of that foggy tunnel? Yes and not too many people saw it. Mist was that light. It added a solid narrative and performances to an utterly unimpressive sequel-heavy summer. If you haven’t seen it run out and pick it up. It’s sure to stick with you for a few days after watching.

- 2008 -

Iron Man
Speed Racer
Indiana Jones
Kung Fu Panda
Incredible Hulk
The Dark Knight
Get Smart
Helloboy II
Babylon A.D.
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

Would you look at that! This was actually a good year. Sure it relied heavily on Hero movies to entertain, but Incredible Hulk, Hellboy II and Iron Man are actually good movies. Wall-E was a great film too! There were those we’d rather forget (or have already) like Speed Racer which singes the retinas, Babylon A.D., Hancock (with it’s not-so-controversial “controversial" plot twist) and Get Smart.

Dark Knight is the one stand out for 2008. It was a fantastic film, which shows us all how great a Batman film (or movie in general) can be. Its well-written story, fantastic direction and great performances place it up as one of the best examples of damn-near flawless filmmaking efforts this author has ever seen. It currently sits at the #8 spot on IMDB’s Top 250 list.

There was a pleasant surprise here in Taken. It has a typical premise and should be one that you don’t end up liking, but having Liam Neeson (in an atypical role) and good direction really make this an entertaining film.

- 2009 -

Land of the Lost
Moon - [REVIEW]
Taking of Pelham 1 2 3
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen - [USER REVIEW]
Ice Age 3: Dawn of the Dinosaur
Public Enemies - [REVIEW]
Bruno - [REVIEW]
Harry Potter and the Half-Blooded Prince - [REVIEW]
Funny People
G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra - [REVIEW]
District – 9 - [REVIEW]
Inglorious Basterds (incoming)

We have finally arrived! Please keep your seatbelts buckled until the end of our show. 2008 proved that summers could be fun again, but partially due to the writer’s strike (don’t get me started on that) and a recession and poor performances of $300 million dollar weekends for movies (those poor bastards). Hollywood slammed on the break and gave us this lame duck.

Transformer’s was worth shoving a pencil in my eye, G.I. Joe was one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen and a there was a bunch of other mediocre efforts.

District 9 will have to make me use the “C" word again. This film is fantastic. It is an original story told through an original direction style. The two ingredients tie together to make a movie that should strike fear into the hearts of those who produce films for Hollywood. This is a shining example that an original work with the proper funding can provide a great film. At the time of this article’s writing it is still in its first week. One can only hope that it banks and Hollywood opens their collective eyes to see the light.

Last, but not least is Tarantino’s Inglorious Basterds. It isn’t out yet, but it has “terds" in its title… not a good choice for a Hollywood film. One can only hope that it’s worth a watch.

Since we know how people love graphs we’ve included a "Summer Suckage Graph" below (referencing the unmentioned 2005 summer).

Stay tuned for “A look ahead at 2010".

If we missed something here feel free to point it out below!

Source of the Bitter: JAS

Comments, rants and other stuffs below
Anonymous (not verified) on Sun, 09/06/2009 - 5:44pm

June also had the release of a Die Hard sequel.

Anonymous (not verified) on Sun, 09/06/2009 - 11:51pm

Didn't catch that one, but I heard it was better than Indy 4, but it was, a DINO(Die Hard In Name Only).

John Rojas on Mon, 08/24/2009 - 10:27am

There are real stinkers on those lists. Evan Almighty is so goddamm terrible. To be honest, most of those comedies have sucked.

Cinebelle on Thu, 08/20/2009 - 11:57am

Yes, this summer's film slate has sucked, and badly. And I have the feeling that BB is not the biggest chick-flick haven, also OK. But don't forget about "Julie & Julia," which a lot of movie fans, men and women, have really enjoyed, because there's real acting craft at work -- not to mention decent writing, directing and thoughtful set design and character development.

It's like a refreshing breath of fresh air--and a reminder that "real" movies with excellent acting used to come out once or twice a week.

Without more films like this spread throughout the year (am so tired of "good" movies relegated to the week of Christmas for awards consideration), more and more people will flock to TV--where good writing, acting and directing are flourishing.

JAS on Thu, 08/20/2009 - 3:05pm

Agreed on the TV thing, but I think we are ignoring the fact that they sure love their sequels (in the form of, multiple and often far too many, seasons).

We can't just say that TV is better when they love to milk their IPs just as badly or worse that Hollywood. There should be a 3 season cap for TV series. They usually get really crappy after they pass the second season, so this will let them have that one extra season "just in case".

PS. We have discussed watching more chic flicks for BB. It will be incoming soon.

Que on Thu, 08/20/2009 - 5:18pm

That may indicate that BB needs more female viewers and contributors. After all, they call it 'chick flick' for a reason?

Anonymous (not verified) on Wed, 08/19/2009 - 7:54pm

2007. Wow.

Que on Wed, 08/19/2009 - 6:23pm

Hey, just thought about it, how about terminator 4? is it considered as summer movie or not?

JAS on Wed, 08/19/2009 - 7:05pm

Yes it was. From what I understand not a very good one either. Did you manage to see it?

Que on Wed, 08/19/2009 - 8:35pm

yes I saw it on the opening day, mainly to pay respect to T2, for which was one of the handful movies that took my breath away.

T4 is better than T3 (not hard to achieve isn't it). It somehow squeezed enough juice for a interesting angle for the storyline, it has Chris Bale (remember that Youtube line, "why the fuuuk you walk in to my scene")and the new Terminator looked effective. however movie had issues such as lack imagination for the post-judgement day world and the plot holes start to hurt the story deeply as the movie developed to the second half.

by my standard it is not a STINKER, but it is pale and weak. it is better than Indi 4, but I found it hard to tell which one is better, T4 or Transformer 2.

JAS on Wed, 08/19/2009 - 8:36pm

Eek a T4 to T2, er, Transformers 2 comparison. That says it all!

As much as I hate to admit I found T3 entertaining. Sure it should have never happened, but I was entertained. It still irks me to admit that.

Que on Wed, 08/19/2009 - 8:40pm

I was gonna follow up an edit.

T4 is slightly better than Transformers 2, for being darker and attempts to be more serious. It still fell into the ordinary basket, like James Bond QOS.

Think, if it is really great, wouldnt you have seen it already?

JAS on Wed, 08/19/2009 - 8:58pm

Yes, I would have seen it, but at the same time I watch a lot of crap for this site. For instance, I am currently watching Dragon Ball Z - a review will soon follow.

I'm still curious to see T4, but it came out before this site and I didn't feel like spending my hard earned cash on what I was pretty sure was crap.

Que on Wed, 08/19/2009 - 9:07pm

It sure gets hard to walk yourself into crap, I have successfully dodged Underworld 3, Iceage 3 and GI Joe this year.

But sometimes other things will come help you and support you to hang in there, such as Boys Tuesday night out and you are full of french fries and sausage rolls, you couldn't care less.

I went through Barb Wire the other night, under such condition.

JAS on Wed, 08/19/2009 - 9:20pm

It is tough, but we're willing to do it for all the bitter film fans out there.

I can say this about Barb Wire - there were two very interesting things in that movie. Here's a hint at what they were, "they were sold on ebay years later".

Que on Wed, 08/19/2009 - 4:44pm

Agree that the Mist is a very solid movie, 2008 was a rather good year;

Suggest Taken as also a solid movie, and Indi 4 and Fantastic 4 with the surfer as major stinker;

and Warning, none of your '[Review]' links actually work.

talk about Snakes On A Plane. Honestly, I rather have that snake in my pants than in my face.

JAS on Wed, 08/19/2009 - 5:27pm

Indy 4 and Fantastic Four were stinkers, but I'd have to say that Indy was sadly the worst of the bunch.

Good catch on the links! I'm actually really confused as to what is happening with them... Must investigate further.

JAS on Wed, 08/19/2009 - 5:39pm

Investigation complete. Corrected the link issue.

Jared (not verified) on Wed, 08/19/2009 - 3:59pm

I don't know if Star Trek would be consider a summer movie but it's got to count for something considering it was a pretty good restart for a franchise that was slowly fading away.

On another note the problem with the Mist is that it wasn't really a summer movie. It also wasn't original considering it was based off of a book but I'm just being picky.

JAS on Wed, 08/19/2009 - 4:04pm

Doh! I'll have to check the release date for Star Trek and see if it fell into a summer release. Good catch!

As for the Mist - True it was an existing IP, but it was a good movie.

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