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A review of a movie or TV show.

Idiocracy (I'm an idiot for watching it)

Idiocracy, Luke Wilson, Maya Rudolph, Mike Judge, review, Terry Crews, bitter balcony

Idiocracy… man, like I didn’t see this one coming.

Here’s the films plot: Private Joe Bauers (Luke Wilson), the definition of "average American", is selected by the Pentagon to be the guinea pig for a top-secret hibernation program. Forgotten, he awakes 500 years in the future. He discovers a society so incredibly dumbed-down that he's easily the most intelligent person alive.

When the smartest man left in the world is Luke Wilson you know you have problems.

I can’t really provide much in the way of serious criticism for this movie. It’s written and directed by Mike Judge who gave us Bevis and Butthead. Should I stop writing on how bad this movie is now? No? OK, you asked for it.



GI Joe Re... so lame

animation, GI joe, Joaquim Dos Santos, Lauren Montgomery, resolute, review, bitter balcony

G.I. Joe - Resolute

The only thing this Joe cartoon is resolute on doing is sucking as much as the movie likely will.

Here I foolishly thought well, the movie is probably going to suck, but at least we’ll get a decent animation out of it AND with the original costumes. Well, I got crap.

The movie starts in a decommissioned Cobra base. This base becomes active, computers with broken screens turn on and launch a large set of missiles that it had just underground – as in the obvious underground not the deep deep underground.



Rorschach watches the Watchmen Director's Cut

director's cut, review, rorschach, watchmen, zack snyder, bitter balcony

Rorschach’s journal: 7/22/09

Just finished watching the Director’s Cut of Watchmen. Left with a strange taste in mouth.

Given more information just as I’d expected, but not sure if it was all good… or welcome.

Changes to closer match the comic have resulted in a slight fix in pacing, but destroying one of the indestructible man’s greatest lines.

[more inside the cold digital link]


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Holy *#!@: The Holy Mountain review

Alejandro Jodorowsky, review, The Holy Mountain, bitter balcony Holy Mountain (1973)

The first film I saw from Chilean underground director Alejandro Jodorowsky was Santa Sangre. I was attending film school at the time and my friend Damian Rosa, who is a very mild mannered man with a passion for heavy metal and Bergman films, recommended this film to me. I was pretty intrigued by the cover art, a girl mime posing with the letters of the tittle in yellow, green, and red highlights. I ventured into this film with no clue what it was about but I expected some kind of bizarre trip. Yes, I did get that, a weird, Felliniesque story of a mother and son knife throwing tandem. It was also a very profound tale of the search for truth and self worth that provokes thought, but most importantly, moves your heart. No, it's not Stepmom or Terms of Endearment, no need for a hankerchief. I was very impressed and interested to find out more about this crazy, intelligent man's work.


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Let the Right One In

John Ajvide Lindqvist, Kåre Hedebrant, let the right one in, Lina Leandersson, review, swedish, Tomas Alfredson, bitter balcony



I’ll start by saying that this movie shows what a well-written movie can do when it comes to showing the stark contrast between the innocence of a child and the violence of a vampire all at the same time. John Ajvide Lindqvist, the screenplay writer and novelist of this film, followed his title’s advice when it came to the talent involved in this movie. The leads have a subtle charisma that grabs hold of your attention and draw you in much the way a vampire’s stare would do.



Harry Potter and the Order of... the... <SNORE>

David Yates, Emma Watson, Gary Oldman, Harry Potter, Ralph Fiennes, review, butter balcony


I’ll start off by saying that I can see how a kid can like this series. It’s imaginative and serious enough to intrigue without being so serious that kids can’t connect. That being said, this is Bitter Balcony. Our reviews, if nothing else, have to be honest.


Harry Potter is a creative series that makes the vast majority not totally bash wizards, magic and general mystical poop, which is a feat in itself. For this, props. The movies up to this point have not been amazing, but they have been entertaining.


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Revolutionary Road (2008)

Justing Haythe, Kate Winslet, Leonadro DiCaprio, review, Revolutionary Road, Sam Mendes, bitter balcony

I don’t know what road they are talking about, but there is nothing revolutionary about it.

The story as I see it, is about a couple who thought hey were hot shit when they were younger, got married, had some kids that someone else must be taking care of because you never see them, and started living “normal” lives. Frank Wheeler and April Wheeler (Leonardo Dicaprio and Kate Winslet, respectively) are this couple. Frank is usually unhappy because April has constant titty attacks. Even though Frank is played off as more of the victim he’s as much of an ass as she is.

Here we have a story that takes place in the 1950s, which is a cool setting for any movie, but aside from the sweet sweet cars, there is nothing here to write home about.

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